I Think I Need A Hobby — Okay, but like

I think I need a hobby because I keep getting caught up in too many stupid things. Or I just get bored and then I do something rash.

For example, yesterday I got my nose pierced because I thought it sounded fun and I didn’t feel like doing my work. Don’t tell my mom though. She’s going to read this anyways and see it and then find out, but let’s just wait collectively in peace until that happens.

This is what I mean though. Instead of finding a hobby, I do something random and then I end up having an extra hole in my nose. What a conundrum!

Also I get swallowed up in really silly things, like freaking out when someone doesn’t text me back. I can spend hours and hours on this activity. Worrying is technically my hobby if you eliminate the “brings pleasure and relaxation” definition.

I need a non-expensive hobby. So, online shopping is out. It’s unfortunate, because according to the definition of “hobby,” online shopping is my hobby. It is both an activity AND and interest, it brings pleasure AND relaxation, and it is not my actual job. But I need to find financial support for that by either finding a trust-fund baby or befriending an elderly oil tycoon.

I need a hobby that is graded on a sliding scale. Like I can’t play an instrument or play golf because you can be really good at golf or really bad at playing the trombone. If I pick something like that, then I will create even more anxiety to buddy up with my already existing anxiety because I will feel the absolute need to be good at it. I’m really good at watching TV, so let’s mentally jot that down for later.

I need a hobby that is healthy. I wish cooking could be my hobby, but cooking healthy things is so boring and not fun. The reward center in my brain will flip me off if I spend an hour making quinoa burgers. I know this because I’ve done it. Also, exercising can’t be my hobby because I already sweat enough as it is. Moving on.

I’m quickly running out of “fun” options for hobbies. Inexpensive, non-competitive, healthy activities are boring.

My mom’s hobby is gardening. That sounds doable but I don’t really like dirt and I live on the fifth floor of an apartment building. My sister’s hobby is making cool jewelry, but I am not cool and I do not have the patience for making crystals over weird Bunsen burners. My roommate plays tennis, but I stopped being athletic when I hit puberty. So those are out too.

At this rate, I’m never going to have a hobby. Though I would genuinely love to learn some type of Irish dancing or start a rock collection to show people at parties, so I might look into that.