I Think It Would Be Productive of Me to Take My Own Advice

That doesn't mean I'm going to do it, although I don’t know why I don’t do it. My life would be so much more streamlined/ healthy/ just-better-in-all-regards. If I took my own advice, my face would be covered with significantly less scarring since I wouldn’t pick at my face for 10 - 45 minutes before my nightly shower. Also, I would actually be on time to places, though being fashionably late is very on-brand for me and I like to be consistent.

Every time I don’t take my own advice, my soul is like, I just think it’s funny how… and then insert any of the following in a really high-pitched version of my voice (if you don’t know what my voice sounds like, think if Cher Horowitz was crossed with Ryan Gosling but only when Ryan Gosling is doing that pursing thing with his lips):

I climbed up on the window sill and my boss walked out very confused.

-       … you keep swiping left on Tinder and then you’re disappointed no one’s asked you on a date.

-       … you thought you wanted to park in that spot and then you changed your mind and hit an empty oil barrel while you were backing out and then you didn’t find any other parking.

-       … you eat healthy all day and then finish an entire jar of salsa with chips when you get home from work.

-       … you downloaded the Nike Running app and then deleted it to make room for the UberEats app.

-       … you thought you knew where you were driving so you didn’t map it and then you were 25 minutes late to your appointment

-       … you thought your pants “weren’t that see-through.”

Hush, inner soul!

Maybe if I took my own advice, the subject lines of the last three emails I sent wouldn’t be, “Hurray!”, “ugh,” and “omfg,” respectively.