An Open Letter To My Appendix

I got appendicitis on a work trip to Sundance which is mega lame.

You couldn’t have waited three days? It’s not like I’ve ever asked you for much. Clearly I have no problem living without you. You ruined an amazing career opportunity for me. All of my friends got to meet Rachel Brosnahan at Sundance and I got to lay on the couch with not even enough good pain meds to keep things interesting.

None of this even matters. You don’t matter. Go to hell. Go rot in a medical waste facility. I don’t have anything else to say to you.

Okay, but like why did you have to do it when we were away? Sure the Park City Hospital was probably better than the UPenn ER on a Friday night, but don’t act like that was you showing you care. 

Wait, do you actually care?

I mean, you didn’t actually burst in anger, you weren’t even perforated! Were you just trying to get my attention?

Did I make a mistake? Should I have let you stay?

Confused,

Your Former Host